


Bless Your Heart

by OverlordAvery



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Idk this is just a whole bunch of bullshit, M/M, Other characters might be mentioned later?, Welcome to Retire Priest's life fam, me back at it again writing complete nonsense cause that's what I do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 07:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21454480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverlordAvery/pseuds/OverlordAvery
Summary: Blackwing shut down and after a lot of back and forth with higher ups Osmund Priest finds himself forced to retire.After mourning the loss of his job and old life he decides to make the best of it and finally do what normal people are supposed to do... buy a house and pick up hobbies.A collection of Drabbles of Priest during that 16years of Retirement when Blackwing shut down and all my headcanons surrounding it.Honestly, retired Priest’s life is like a sitcom okay just… bare with me.
Relationships: no designated pairings but if anything happens it will be m/m
Comments: 12
Kudos: 9





	1. Welcome to the Neighborhood

**Author's Note:**

> I like to write villains doing mundane things okay this is a kink for me.

“She needs Work.” 

That was what everyone had told him about the house, and he didn’t mind none, it would give him something to do. The neighborhood was small, the town was small too, it was something comfortable and familiar. He grew up in a small town, he could handle living in one again. Would give him entertainment if anything. The house needed a new paint job, a new roof, the current one was in decent condition but it could be better. The inside was outdated and could use a lot of remodeling he had more than enough money saved up to buy the place outright.

He stood outside imagining what all he could do to fix it up, what color paint he wanted to make it. The whole nine-yards. He turned his head when he saw a woman head up his driveway. Holding a pie that smelled fresh, in heels she was 5’8” but he knew out of them she stood about 5’5”. She had a friendly smile on her face, though her eyes had a hint to them he was familiar with. This was an act, she stood there taking in his appearance, his vehicle, she probably had a sleuth of thoughts about him that she wouldn’t let pass her perfect pretty smile.

“Welcome to the neighborhood, I’m Lemon.” Osmund watched as she walked passed him. “I’ll bring this in for you since your hands are full.” He watched her walk by, she wore a yellow sundress, matching yellow heels, a white cropped sweater that was obviously for looks rather than actually having a function. It even had three quarter sleeves so show off the beautiful white gold and diamond bracelet she wore. Neck adorned with beautiful pearls, her hair was pulled up in a ponytail to show off earrings that were probably worth more than the bracelet she wore.

“Name’s Osmund Priest.” He mused out as he followed her into his home and set some of the bags down. Only thing he currently had moved in was a bed, since he lived in Blackwing for such a long time he never did have to buy his own furniture, that was on the list of things to do. He just needed a roof over his head for the most part during retirement. So he bought this piece of shit and would do everything he could to make it a home. Lemon was already snooping as she set the pie down on the counter slowly turning to face him.

“Why, Osmund, your house is so empty.” She was crossing her arms over her chest. “Are the movers coming with your furniture later?” Priest ran his tongue over his top teeth as he rested his hands on his hips and glanced around.

“Figured I would fix her up first, she needs a lot of work, not going to bother with the furniture till she’s perfect you know?” Looking to the high ceilings then around before looking to the woman who invited herself into his home. Her demeanor changed then as she stood up straighter and her smile came off as real this time.

“You one of them fancy flippers who’s gonna fix the place up and sell it?” Genuine curiosity, he gave her an amused hum at the thought.

“Not exactly, figured it would give me something to do.” Didn’t feel the need to go into the fact he was forced to retire when his job shut down and the CIA basically paid him under the table to keep him from trying to go back to work for them. Didn’t much figure telling his neighbor people considered him too unstable and trigger happy to continue in the field.

“Why don’t you come over for dinner. Harold and I would love to have you, maybe you can look for ideas to do to your home.” He wasn’t really planning on meeting his neighbors and making friends, but something told him Lemon might be a large source of entertainment.

“Sure, what time should I head over.” She clapped her hands together and grinned, moving to place a gentle touch to his shoulder while moving passed him.

“Five o’Clock would be great, my house is the blue one at the end of the cul de sac. See you later, Ozzy.” She waved as she headed out of his house. He followed outside to watch what house she headed to before he continued to unload suitcases into the house. Mainly storing everything in the upstairs bedroom and pausing every now and then to answer his door where he was greeted by new neighbors.

He ended up with ten pies by the time he had to head over to Lemon’s for Dinner.

Harold was your typical… man? He loved football, grilling, and asked Priest a lot of questions. Where he was from. What he did for work. If he had any family, or a girlfriend. Which Priest answered with a small town in Texas, though had been living in Nevada since he was 18. He was currently retired, they said 32 seemed too young to be in retirement, which he agreed, but that’s just how that all played out. And then he decided there was no harm in mentioning he didn’t speak to his family, and he was gay.

Harold seemed surprised by this, Lemon seemed enthralled with it. Asking if he had a boyfriend, and really just trying to find out if he was seeing someone. Osmund wondered briefly if she was going to attempt one of those awkward hook up things with the towns only other out of the closet gay. Thankfully that didn’t seem to be the case and she seemed satisfied with his answer of; 

“I don’t actually date, too much emotional labor for me.” Which really any type of emotional labor was too much, but he would let them find that out later. Lemon also took time to fill him in on the current workings on the town, the wonderful small town politics of who hates who. It was entertaining to say the least, so far Lemon and her friends appeared to be the Queen B’s and everyone else could get fucked. Priest couldn’t say for sure but so far it appeared he had now become an associate to the Bitch Clique on the block.

\---

It had been four weeks of remodeling and repainting the house getting settled in to the neighborhood, and Lemon’s Clique by proxy. He currently stood on a ladder putting up the new trim as Lemon, Loretta, Adelaide, and Jolene hung out on the large couch Lemon had talked him into buying. The four of them drinking wine and talking amongst themselves before Jolene gave a heavy sigh that had Priest glancing down at her.

“My dream in life is to be the type of trophy wife Osmund is.” He gave her an amused smile as he brought up the nail gun and nailed the trimming into place, thumb running over it to make sure he didn’t damage the white trim before he looked back down.

“Yeah, and how’s that?” He finally decided to humor the conversation.

“Single.” Priest giggled from the answer while moving down to add in another nail.

“You didn’t have to go an’ get married, Jolene.” Lorette pointed out to her and the woman sighed, Priest stayed silent just continuing his work before heading down the ladder to move it and climb back up with the next piece of trimming.

“You say that but I don’t have to work when he’s footing the bill… What’s your secret, Oz? How’d you get so lucky?” Jolene finally asked and Priest sighed while shooting another nail into place before looking back down at them.

“Money management. Need any help with your finances Jolene?” He mused out with a smirk getting an eye roll from the woman. 

“Had to get the money to manage from somewhere.” Loretta mused out with a grin, he never did tell them what he did just that the job no longer existed to they retired him.

“I worked a good job, and circumstances made me lucky that I didn’t have to pay bills, so really ninety percent of my money went into savings.” And the bill to pay him off was good too.

“I still want to know what you did.” Lemon finally spoke up as Priest finished the trimming, climbing down to look at it to make sure it was perfect. When he didn’t see anything out of place he moved to join them on the couch, picking up his water and drinking some.

“Doesn’t matter, jobs gone now.” They all had their theories, but he didn’t confirm or deny them, honestly Adelaide was the one closest to what he really did.


	2. The Rivalry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter the main antag of this story.

After Four Months the interior was exactly how he wanted it, most of the focus being on the kitchen. He had double ovens, a nice stove, granite countertops, slate flooring. He stood in the kitchen looking everything over with a fond smile while leaning against the island in the middle of the kitchen. Looking to the research he had laid out for tackling the roof problem and who to call for that. Knew Harold said he had a cousin who had some guys who worked on roofs, but also Harold was an idiot and by extension his cousin was also probably an idiot. 

He glanced over when he heard his front door open, having grown accustomed to the fact no one actually locked their doors here. Which he remembered where he grew up being pretty similar, it was a weird thing to get used to but everyone threw a fit when you had your door locked so to save himself the headache he just stopped bothering. Besides, the only people who bothered to come over was Lemon and the rest of her group.

“Ozzy! You are not going to  _ believe _ this.” He watched as the woman held out a flyer to him that was announcing some party Bonnie was throwing. Bonnie was the town sweetheart. She was nice to everyone and everyone was nice to her, she had a loving husband. A very, very attractive and dumb husband who Priest hit on from time to time. The best part about him was how much he reciprocated it.

But, Bonnie and Priest ended up in a rivalry. All because his pecan pie beat hers in some neighborhood contest. And apparently Bonnie  _ always _ won bake offs of every kind, she even tried to accuse him of cheating and using a store bought pie. The whole thing was a ridiculous fiasco blown out of proportion but somehow one of the most entertaining moments of his life. He looked the flyer over before looking up at Lemon.

“Bonnie always throws parties.” Priest commented wondering what was so crazy about this one.

“Yes, but she always invites the  _ whole  _ neighborhood. I got this from Adelaide, I didn’t get one in my mailbox did you get one in yours?” She asked while crossing her arms over her chest, tapping her foot as Priest looked from it up to her with an amused smile.

“No.” Lemon huffed while tapping her foot and motioning at him.

“We are so going to this, and we are  _ so _ crashing it.” Priest didn’t mind the distraction as he looked back to the flyer. “Who does that little bitch think she is anyway? Like she can really get away without inviting us… her husband even invited Harold verbally. But not me?” She seemed more mad about that, the sheer  _ audacity _ of them trying to turn her husband against her or something. But in reality it was because Lemon expected people to worship the ground she walked on and it was a complete and total insult to ignore her in any capacity. 

Priest had to bite his tongue to stop himself from laughing as he set the flyer down. 

“We need to find you something better to wear for this party, it’s a fancy one. What did the flyer say? Her husband got a new job so they were celebrating with friends and his coworkers?” Which made sense why neither of them were invited because neither of them were friends with Bonnie… Priest did consider himself a friend of Carlisle though. 

“You can’t walk in all dressed like… that.” She motioned vaguely at all of him. He stood up and looked himself over before looking back to her with an arched brow. She sighed at him while rubbing her face very annoyed now from him not getting what she was trying to imply. “Oz, you dress like a hot mess.” He looked to his ripped grey acid wash jeans before looking back to her. “We have to remedy that.”

“The party is in two days, Lemon, I think I’ll be able to find something to wear by then.” He commented while looking back to the companies he was debating between for the roof.

“I’m going through your closet. And it’s a potluck so make sure to cook something that puts Bonnie’s food to shame.” She announced while already heading for the stairs, Priest watched her out of the corner of his eye and sighed while following after her. Not necessarily wanting her to snoop in his room seeing as that was where all of his guns just so happened to be. They were hidden in secret compartments he had installed into his home, but he still didn’t need her finding them.

“I am more than capable of dressing myself.”

“To look like you work at hot topic. The only thing that’s missing is the jewelry, really, Ozzy, you can put your goth aesthetic on hold for one night. Maybe,  _ maybe _ Carlisle will enjoy seeing you spruced up so you can finally get somewhere with that.” She commented as she opened his closet and began rummaging through his clothes. He sighed while leaning against the doorway watching her.

“I doubt you’ll find anything I don’t exactly… dress up much.” He muttered watching her getting closer to one of his gun safes. Which she glanced at but continued her search. When she didn’t see anything she liked she turned to look at him and crossed her arms while deep in thought.

“We’re going shopping.”

“Lemon.” He said the name with a forced smile, looking her over while stepping closer. “Doesn’t it make more of a statement if I showed up to her fancy party dressed like I don’t care?” He arched a brow, he remembered there were times when Martin did shit like that on purpose. The whole family dressin up for something and Martin coming down the stairs in regular clothes making his mom throw a total bitch fit while their dad lost his patience.

“Hmm.” She looked to be thinking it over while tapping her chin with her perfectly manicured nails. “Although I appreciate you using that to get out of shopping. Imagine how much bigger of a statement it would be if you walked in looking hot and sharp and stole her husband away like in some romance novel.” Priest arched a brow. “Well you know, without the romance.”

“I’m not getting dressed up.”

\---

There were things about Lemon Priest learned to appreciate in his new life. Her Moxy being one of them as he rolled up the sleeves of the nice button down she got for him. He didn’t need to, it fit perfectly, Lemon made sure that it was perfectly tailored to fit him. In fact he decided she worked more on dressing him than she did dressing her husband. He stepped out of the house to see Lemon sanding at the end of his driveway with Harold.

“Where is your tie?” He gave her a blank stare and she walked up, grabbed the casserole dish out of his hands, put it in Harold’s and then dragged him back inside. “You are impossible.”

“It looks fine without the tie.”

“I already am ignoring you wrinkling the sleeves.” He sighed as she stepped in front of him, adjusting the collar of his shirt and putting his tie on him. “It’s because there’s color on the tie, isn’t it?” She asked with an amused grin. “Ruining you monochromatic look you have going for yourself.” She put a hand on his back and lead him outside, returning to casserole dish back into his hand while putting her arm through Harold’s. “Let’s go~ We are going to pass the fashionably late threshold and fall into the plain late category.”

The walk to Bonnie’s didn’t take long given she was only two houses down, there were already people mingling and they walked in to the backyard where the rest of the party was being held. Lemon happily leading the way as Priest found the table they were setting the food down in. Taking off the lid he stepped away, saying his polite hello’s to people before meeting up with Lemon, Loretta, Adelaide, and Jolene.

“What did you bring, looks good.” Priest looked from the food laid out over to Jolene who looked ready to head over and grab more.

“Just a Priest Family Casserole, nothin’ special.” It was easy for a potluck so he figured he would go ahead and throw it together. He watched Jolene head over and he glanced over to Loretta when she nudged him.

“There’s the man of the hour.” He followed her gaze to Carlisle who was talking to some older gentlemen, the group of them laughing about something. He watched as Carlisle eventually glanced over to them, they locked eyes and Priest gave him a charming smile watching him blush before turning his attention back to the people he was talking to.

“Osmund, Lemon.” He turned his attention to Bonnie Tucker who stood there awkwardly in front of them with a polite smile on her face. “So nice to see you two, I wasn’t sure if y’all were gonna make it.”

“Oh bless your heart, Bonnie.” Lemon started while putting a hand over her heart. “I wouldn’t miss Carlisle’s big celebration, neither would Oz. About time that poor boy got something good in his life.” She mused out Priest could see the eye twitch from Bonnie.

“He really could use the break with everything he has to deal with.” Priest added watching as Bonnie looked between them and cleared her throat.

“I think he’s done just fine for himself.”

“Interesting.” Priest stated, watching her tilt her head with a slight look of confusion. “I thought we were celebrating his accomplishment, you’re now sounding like it’s not that big of a deal.” She looked offended from that, hand moving to her chest while looking between the two of them.

“Why that’s not what I was insinuating. Y’all are twisting my words around.”

“Why I never.” Lemon countered in mock offense, taking a wine glass from Harold when he came in to hand it over. “I’m very proud of your husband.” She moved to touch Priest’s shoulder. “Oz, you wanted to go congratulate him didn’t you?”

“Why that’s not necessary.” Bonnie looked flustered now.

“There you go again, Bonnie, dismissing his accomplishment.” Priest stated while walking passed her and heading over to where Carlisle was. Watching the group to read what all was happening as he stepped forwards, seeing the groups current conversation die down he moved closer and put a hand on Carlisle’s shoulder. “Hey Carlisle, wanted to say congratulations.”

“Oh-oh thank you Oz.” He had that lingering blush but didn’t move away from the hand on his shoulder. He cleared his throat while motioning to the others. “Osmund this is Preston.” Priest looked over to the man he was being introduced to, holding a hand out and shaking it. “He’s my new boss… I know you keep mentioning looking for work and Preston is always looking for hard workers.”

“Nice to meet you.” He looked Preston over while standing up straight. Sliding his hand off Carlisle’s shoulder and down to rest on his back. Lingering before letting go and crossing his arms over his chest. “And office building work right? Never got into that I like to work with my hands.” Preston gave an amused laugh from that.

“Yes, I run a growing business, it’s a robotics company that works on drones. I’m afraid the only physical jobs we have are putting them together and testing it.” Priest glanced from him over to Carlisle with amusement, curious what all he was doing in this company.

“Yeah, not my speed, sounds fascinating though.” It really didn’t.

He managed to navigate his way through conversations about boring shit he didn’t care about. Eventually Preston and his buddies moved on and Priest watched them before glancing back over to Carlisle.

“I haven’t been able to hear much about what all happened with this new job of yours.” Taking a drink of his water as Carlisle blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh, nothin’ too special. Just helping engineer a new drone is all.” Priest couldn’t stop his amused smile from that.

“Sounds pretty impressive, you shouldn’t downplay it so much.” Never in his life did Priest ever imagine he would spend his time trying to wreck someone’s marriage. But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t incredibly amused by this whole thing. Of course Bonnie was quick to appear now that Carlisle was alone with him. “Bonnie, how nice of you to join us.”

“Yes, well… Carlisle, sweetheart, why don’t you come with me, Gretchen was hoping to speak with you.” He watched as the two of them wandered off, Jolene, Adelaide, Lemon, and Loretta joining him all taking sips of their wine while watching the two of them join Gretchen and her husband. Gretchen looking incredibly pregnant and like she was about to pop any moment, honestly Priest didn’t care for her.

That also had to do with the fact that her cat kept coming into his yard and making itself a menace.

“You know, Ozzy,” Priest glanced over to Lemon as she began talking. “I think you’re getting closer to snatching that one up.”

“Bonnie seems to realize it too.” Jolene mused out Priest could see her waving at one of the other men at the party. Jolene was famous for sleeping around behind Steven’s back, and well… Steven was too dumb to notice.

“All in due time… you seem to have caught Gary’s attention.”

“Ugh, yeah, I mean it’s really super tempting I have heard good things, but really how fun is moaning a name like Gary?” Jolene almost whined while finishing her glass of wine.

“Well y’ain’t actually gotta sleep with him, Jolene.” Loretta pitched in.

“I am on a record breaking streak, Lori, I ain’t gonna stop now.” Priest held an amused look on his face as he watched Jolene sigh and lean against him.

“Oh right, Gary is number five, right?” Jolene just grinned and playfully nudged him.

“See, Oz gets it.” Lemon was rolling her eyes as Loretta gave a heavy sigh. “Oh please, you two can’t judge none, you both ended up with great husbands.”

“Not even gonna say nothin’ about mine?” Adelaide mused out with a grin.

“Oh god, don’t remind me of Benny, I was so sad when you snatched him up he’s prefect.” They all glanced over to the dark haired tall man who was playing around with some of the kids, one riding on his shoulders as they chased after another playing some sort of game. He was the one most of the girls seemed to fawn over, the town Deputy, heart of gold.

Boring.

Too good for Priest’s interests, he was nice to look at but that’s the only thing he had going for him.


	3. Botany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Priest decides to start working on his garden while hanging with Adelaide...   
.....and Priest's new rival shows up in his yard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Animal Abuse ( nothing graphic. Just Osmund being a dick. Don't worry the animal is fine and gets taken away from him. ) Mention of wanting to kill said animal.

“I got this for you.” Priest looked to the calathea dottie that was put in his hands. Feeling the cold stone of the pot while looking the plant over before glancing up at Adelaide. “I feel like it will spruce things up in here.” He looked back to the plant before glancing around trying to decide the perfect place to put it before walking over and setting it down on a small side table. He knelt down and stared at it for a while making notes in his head about other plants he could probably get. “It was last watered today, just so ya know movin forward with it ‘n’all.” 

“Thank you, Adelaide.” He did always like plants… he was good at them. He would take care of them back when he was a kid and his mom kept buying and almost killing them. He even started to fill Blackwing with random plants and taking care of them around the facility... and now that he was done with all the house renovations and he was working on the yard... Maybe he should put in a garden.

“Mhmm, so what’s your next big plan?” He glanced over at her while standing up straight before looking back to the plant then around the house thinking of other types he could get to use for decorations around the house and just as something to do… he could make a type of shelf on that wall he didn’t know what to do with.

“I think… I’m going to start a garden.”

“Oh? What type?” She asked with interest, he walked out to the back yard and looked it over, planning what all he could do with it as Adelaide stood next to him stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets while blowing a bubble with her gum.

“I think multiple types. I have the space for it… Vegetables for cooking purposes, already have fruit trees I use might as well make use of other things. Perhaps some poisonous ones.” That would keep Gretchen’s damn cat out of his yard. Adelaide was quirking a brow at him while popping her gum.

“Poisonous plants, huh?” He looked to the spot that would be perfect for it… Eyes actually getting he thought about all the little details he needed to go over, taking a sharp inhale he turned to look to Adelaide.

“You doin anythin?” He asked while arching a brow. She shrugged while motioning at herself.

“Well, hangin with you. I figure that’s somethin’, we gonna head out somewhere?” Priest gave her an amused look and motioned her to follow him. Heading out through the front he locked his door behind them and headed to the car. She seemed surprisingly excited about being dragged out for this adventure as she jumped in the SUV and buckled herself in. Priest gave an amused smile as he started the car and backed out of the driveway, heading into town so they could start their shopping adventure.

The SUV was full soil, fertilizer, some gravel, wood, planters, seeds for various plants, and various house plants. Adelaide was currently holding a cluster of venus fly traps she begged him to buy. He would just have to make sure he got them properly fed but they were nice chill plants to look at.

“You should get some cobra lilies, they’re pretty.” She stated while looking from the flytrap in her hands over to him, the man gave her an amused smile while looking back ahead as he pulled into his driveway.

“Maybe.” He would work on carnivorous plants later… He backed in towards the gate to the backyard, getting out Adelaide took it upon herself to unload all the house plants into his home while he offloaded all the supplies to start work. Most of it he laid on the back deck before heading into his tool shed to get what he needed to loosen the soil and lay the groundwork of where he was even going to set up the garden.

\---

“This really is a nice view.” Priest glanced over his shoulder at Lemon with an arched brow, pulling a nail out from between his teeth as he set it where he needed it before beginning to hammer it into the wood frame for the box he was making around his vegetable garden. “No complaints here.”

“Good to know that all I gotta do to get you to stop whining is take my shirt off.” Priest mused mused out while sitting up and wiping some sweat off his brow. He could hear giggling from the rest of the girls, looking to Adelaide who was helping him with the framework.

“Curious about all the scars.” Adelaide stated, Priest got up and rubbed the back of his neck with a shrug. “And the tattoo.” He moved one hand down to touch the tattoo over his heart that marked him as a project. “Wasn’t expectin’ that, the scars, figured you probably had some, still think you was CIA.” He gave her an amused smile while heading over to where Lemon and Jolene was, grabbing his water and taking a drink.

“Yeah especially that one.” Jolene had leaned forwards to touch the vivisection scar on his chest, he grinned from that while leaning back and touching it. Never really had a good lie about that one, then again anyone who saw it usually knew what he was.

“I’ll let y’all use your imaginations. Might be better than the real story.” He shrugged while leaning against the railing of the deck, looking to the contained mess of his backyard. “Where’s Loretta by the way?” He asked as a change of subject while glancing towards Lemon who sighed while leaning back in her chair, going back to soaking up the sun.

“Some school thing with her brats.” She commented, Adelaide popped up next to him and grabbed her own water while sitting on one of the steps.

“Now Lemon, don’t be bitter.” Jolene said in a taunting tone. “We all know you wish that were you.” So much sarcasm dripping from her voice that Lemon groaned.

“Children are vile creatures. I’m so glad Harold never cared that I didn’t want any.” Jolene was laughing and Priest moved to sit next to Adelaide. “What about you, Oz, you want kids.”

“As much as I want a bullet in the brain.” Lemon clapped her hands together from that with a laugh.

“See he gets it.”

“I’m only joshin’ ya, Lemon, kids sound like such a headache, even if Lori’s are sweet as pie, I think they might actually be more sadistic than she is. An’ that’s sayin somethin’.”

“I wouldn’t mind some one day.” Adelaide pitched in while leaning back. “Not sure when though, Benny don’t seem in no hurry.” She propped her chin in her hands before glancing towards them. “And I want it ta go an’ be somethin’ he wants and is lookin’ forwards to, ya know?”

“You’re young, you have more than enough time to have kids don’t worry about it, Addie.” Even with Lemon’s severe detest of children she was polite to those who wanted them.

“It’s gonna wreck your body.” Jolene on the other hand…

“I don’t mind none, besides Lori looks good and she’s got three of ‘em.” Osmund took one more drink of his water and set it down.

“And what surgery is she on now?” He asked sarcastically getting a slap on his shoulder from Adelaide as he chuckled and headed back over to where they were working. “Thought she paid for most of her looks.”

“She does.” Lemon added as Priest went back to doing the finishing touches on the box. “Don’t let these two heartless bastards deter you from what you want, Addie.” He glanced back at the group before looking ahead when he heard a familiar jingling bell. Glancing up he stared at the orange tabby cat that sat happily in his backyard. Right where he was planning for the poisonous species to go. He leaned back, glaring at the creature that just stared back at him with about the same amount of hate.

“You ever think of getting animals, Oz?”

“Hate animals as much as they hate me.” He got up and dropped the hammer and nails, heading over towards the cat which he promptly grabbed by the scruff of the neck. Ignoring the hissing that went on as it scratched at him. “You know that sayin’, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Always was curious on testin’ that theory.” He could hear a scoff and glanced over at Adelaide as she took the cat from him and hugged it to her chest.

“Come on Oz, Beansprout is a good cat.” She defended while carrying him away from Priest.

“Gonna be a dead cat if it hangs out where I’m putting the poisonous plants.” He motioned to it and watched as Adelaide stopped to look at him then the spot the cat just was.

“Wait a darn second, is Beansprout why you’re goin’ that route?” He sucked on his top teeth and she gave him an offended look. “Osmund! That’s mean!”

“Then tell Gretchen to keep her damn cat inside.” Priest stated while Adelaide ignored him and just cooed at the cat and sat down on the stairs while petting it and clicking her tongue at it.

“He doesn’t mean it, he’s just a big meanie head, Beansprout.” Kissing the creature as Priest just sighed and went back to his work. “So no pets for Oz, and no kids for Oz, he can just have his little plants.” Adelaide continued to baby talk the cat, causing Priest to roll his eyes. 

“It’s kind of cuter that way.” Priest arched a brow while leaning back to look at Jolene. “Like yeah, a guy with a dog or a cat is adorable. But here you got a man going out of his way to bring something pretty to life and keeping it that way… and look at how excited he is he just dug for hours and gave us a show while playing in the dirt half dressed.” Priest rolled his eyes as Lemon started laughing.


End file.
